Social Qs

It is interesting to see the changes that occur over time.  Austin has always struggled with social cues.  His little sister gets these cues easily.  She actually uses her awareness to protect Austin from situations she may consider risky.  My husband and I watched her push Austin back one day at the park when he tried to go to the swings where some preteens were hanging out and talking.  There was no real danger, since we were right there, but she knew the potential.  Sometimes it is hard to see a 5 year old looking out for an 8 year old but I am glad she does, she is very protective of Austin.  They love each other and care for one another, they do fight like all siblings but their connection is special.  I am very grateful they have each other.

I had the chance to go to Kaleigh's school the other day to carve pumpkins.  I got to meet all her little friends, and her little "boyfriend" (she has a Kindergarten crush ... so cute!  My husband doesn't share my opinion on that one!).  She chats back and forth and introduces me to all of them.  It is very different with Austin, he has people come up to me and tell me they are his friend and when I ask him who they are, most of the time he responds "I don't know".  He has never put a lot of interest in other people.  There are kids at school that do really like him and he is starting to change.  The social game is tricky, as we all know, and Austin has decided, he wants to play.

Austin likes girls and expresses this to me and his Dad.  One girl in particular, he has liked for quite some time.  He told this girl that he likes her, not exactly a predictable move when it comes to Austin, but I guess he felt he really needed to tell her.  This was his first real encounter with rejection, since she does not feel the same way.  "That is alright", I told him.  My Dad always told me "There are plenty of fish in the sea." and he was right, he is right a lot of the time.  (He isn't going to read this blog post, right?)  There are girls always smiling at Austin and hugging him.  I am shocked at how these girls actually jump on him and knock him to the ground!  Kaleigh and were stunned one day when a little girl at school did this to him.  She still really likes Austin.  He is a very cute boy, not that I am biased or anything. ;)  There is a problem, Austin still likes this other girl.  (School day crushes.  I had a crush on Elvis when I was 5!)  He believes you can make someone like you if you are sweet to them by buying them flowers and candy.  I try to explain to him that it does not work like that.  You cannot "make" someone like you.  He read somewhere that if you are nice to someone, they will like you.  He does take things literally.  Oh boy ...

We got an email a couple of weeks ago from his teacher saying that Austin was behaving very inappropriately.  A few emails back and forth and figured out that Austin was copying what the other boys were doing to try and fit in at school.  We did have a discussion and the behaviours stopped.  We decided to get another classmates to help Austin with social situations and help understand what is acceptable and what is not.  He is really becoming aware of things that may cause him to be embarrassed.  For example, I accompanied him to his school dance the other night (parents have to be there with the child) and I sat down in a chair on the side and watched him while I chatted with a friend of mine.  Usually, he would go in and dance all night, not this time.  He and a friend he was hanging out with met up with a girl and they went off together.  I could tell Austin did not want to dance alone and I was not going to suggest to dance with him since I know that would not go over well at this age by his peers.  I told him to go ask one of the girls to dance, he said "no".  (I think because the girl he really likes was not there.)  He told me he had wanted to go home and he was tired.  I asked him twice if he was sure and he said he was and off we went.  Once outside, he told me he did not want to dance alone and had no one to dance with.  I said "Well, I did not think you would want to dance with me now that you are 8!"  "Oh Mom!  I would be so embarrassed!  No, I do not want to dance with you!  The kids would think that was not cool!"  I think my eyeballs shot out of my head!  To hear him say this to me and realize that he is starting to take the social part of life very seriously, just blew me away!  I am happy, excited and scared all at the same time.

For Austin to finally take rejection or social acceptance seriously means he can get his feelings hurt.  I know we all do and it happens to everyone but for him, he usually does not care, so this has me worried.  I think it is great he wants to make friends and be part of the group but he cannot read people well and that is the scary part.  All I can do is advise him when I can about what to do and continue to communicate with him as much as possible.  I have told him over and over, he can tell me anything.  This morning, he was to wear his costume to school for Halloween, he asked me right before he had to get dressed if he could tell me something, of course he could and he did.  He told me he was "too nervous" to wear his costume to school (it is a surgeon).  I told him he did not have to wear it if he did not want to.  He did not want to risk being embarrassed.  No problem.  He went to school dressed like a regular day.  This made him comfortable and happy.  I am so glad that he feels he can talk to me.  I can only pray that he will continue to do so and that way, I can help him as much as he needs me to!

Wishing you all a very safe and HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

All the best!  *HUGS*

Sad for Sibling

I am trying to cope with some major Mommie guilt after yesterday morning. Kaleigh started Kindergarten Friday of last week.  Austin and I waited with her at the bus stop, she got on the bus and we drove to her school to meet her.  (She would not let me follow the bus, out of the question!)  She is so BRAVE!  She got on no problem and followed all the rules.  WELL DONE!  So PROUD, can you tell? ;)

Yesterday morning, I explained to Kaleigh that I would be driving Austin to school (they go to two separate schools) and I would not be able to meet her at school, was she okay with that?  I told her the teacher would be waiting for her and she could line up just like the other day only Mommie and Austin would not be there.  She said she was fine.  Alright, I thought, she really is a trooper!  I admit, I was still kind of unsure but I had to take Austin to school (he does not get a bus) then take him to his appointment later.  Everything was going well, Kaleigh and I were waiting for the bus and it arrived, just before she got on she said, "Mommie you are coming to meet me at school, right?"  OMG!  My heart fell out of my chest and hit the ground!  My reply "Uh, no baby, remember I told you I cannot meet you this morning because I have to take Austin."  I have this image that flies through my head, remember the Brady Bunch and Jan said "Marsha! Marsha! Marsha!"  Sometimes I think Kaleigh must feel that way about Austin because she does question why I have to take him to speech, tutors and appointments.  Sigh ... this makes me so sad!  I spend a lot of time with her, but I was really not prepared for how this situation made me feel.

When I go to appointments, I can always have Kaleigh with me.  She has always been able to be with me.  Yesterday, there was just no way I could be in two places at once. After she boarded the bus, it was all I could do to fight back the tears.  I kept thinking, she is just a baby!  She is only 5!  SHE NEEDS ME!  I was always there for Austin.  I am always there for Austin now.  I felt like a bad Momma!  I felt so sad for Kaleigh.  She did not cry or anything and followed the routine no problem and had a great day but I still could not shake that sad feeling.

Am I being crazy?  (Alright, try to resist people okay?)  I spend probably more time with Kaleigh than I do Austin (he likes his alone time) and comes and tells you when he wants a cuddle or will just pop up and chat with you, or help in the kitchen.  I feel like somehow Austin's needs and my attention to them is going to backfire.  I reassure both my children how much I love them.  They know, of that I am sure.  Is Austin's autism going to drive a wedge between them?  Is Kaleigh going to resent me, her Dad or Austin?  She questions a lot of things about Austin.  I answer them very simply and say, it is who he is, just like you are who you are.  She never questions that answer.  She is a bright girl.  They are both very smart children.  I am blessed. :)

This morning, Kaleigh did not ask me if I was going to meet her at school as she boarded the bus.  She gave me a kiss, a wave and smile for Grandpa's camera.  It is hard to watch my baby walk up those steps all alone and be so independent.  It is hard to let go!  OH MY!  I had no idea it would be this HARD!  I am so pleased for Kaleigh though, she is starting her own journey and I am grateful to be her Mother! I LOVE YOU Kaleigh!  Momma is SO PROUD of YOU!

All the best! *HUGS*

Reassurance Brings Relief

Austin went to his appointment this morning.  I am relieved to say that the psychologist does not think there is anything to worry about at this time.  I am very happy to hear that news!

All the best!  *HUGS*

Alien Anxiety

A little while ago I blogged about Austin having nightmares that he thought were real, I took him to his speech pathologist since the psychologist was away and everything gotten straightened out quickly.  Very happy about that!  A little while after that, Austin started to say he believed "aliens lived in the bathroom".  Every time he had to go to the bathroom, I had to stand in there or in the doorway to ensure he was "safe".  This frightened me!  I thought, please, please do not tell me he is starting to have anxiety!  I have struggled with anxiety and it is horrible!

After about of week (not everyday) of waiting in the hallway and bringing Austin out of his room to fall asleep (he believed that the "aliens" were hiding in his room at night), things started to subside.  I had already contacted the psychologist's office and explained the situation when it arose.  (I contacted a friend of mine and she assured me, it would be best to have him seen, just in case.  It never hurts to ask someone who has been down the road before you and has experience with autism.  Thank you for your help, I really appreciate it! OX)  When things seemed to calm down, I contacted the office again and said things were better and could I get an appointment just to make sure everything was fine.  We were placed on a cancellation list and got an appointment, so I booked it.  I have been referred to as a "pro-active parent" (I wonder if that is code for "pain in the butt!), I just do not like to let anything go or dismiss things that I believe might be an issue.

I talked to Austin yesterday about going into see the psychologist to talk to her about the "aliens".  He said told me that was back in June and he was over it.  I asked him if he would still talk about it with her to ensure everything is okay.  He said he would.  Thank goodness!

I will say, I believe he must still have some fear because he does run out of the bathroom in the early evening and at night quickly.  He shuts the door and does not call out or anything but I worry he may not want to admit that he is still a bit anxious.  He seems to have a lot of pride and does not want to be embarrassed either.  I just want him to feel comfortable and be as happy as he can be in every way.

I will post an update after the appointment tomorrow.

All the best!  *HUGS*

First Day Fears

I just arrived home from dropping Austin off at school for his first day of grade 3.  I brought him to the school's office to meet his aide to help him get settled with his supplies and ensure things go smoothly.  I am a nervous wreck!  I always am when Austin is in a new environment and I am not around to hover over him, protecting him from any kind of bullying.

It is sad when you think that most parents are so excited to see their children go off to school (don't get me wrong, I am not saying they do not worry but not on the same level).  Kaleigh starts school tomorrow and I am both thrilled and sad because she will be going to Kindergarten and will be away from me everyday.  (Okay, let's not go there because, I will cry.)  When it comes to Kaleigh, other than she is shy (I will make sure she is settled in okay tomorrow before I leave her at school), I do not have the same fears as I do for Austin.  When it comes to Kaleigh, I pity whoever would pick on her, not a good plan.  That girl don't play!  She comes to win, at any cost!  She does not take anything off anyone!  She is not someone who will go looking for trouble but if it comes to her, well, she is going to give it right back.  Not the same for Austin, he is a target.  I watched Kaleigh "protect" him this summer.  Telling him it was not safe to go near the teenagers in the park and to wait until they left to play.  If people pick on him or hurt him, she runs and tells the ladies at day camp or if I am there, me.  She is so protective and fearless, for a 5 year old, it is truly amazing.  I am so PROUD of her, just as much as I am PROUD of Austin.  I am blessed, I have great kids! :)

I sit here blogging, worried and praying that Austin will be okay and no one will hurt him.  I watched that new movie "Bully" and it broke my heart.  I cannot believe that children can be so cruel to others.  Austin is at a campus with only grades 3 to 6, that strikes fear into me that I cannot even put into words!  I pray he will be safe and no one will cause him any harm.  I pray he have or make a friend to play with during recess.  I pray things will be different this year.  I pray he will be happy!  I pray ...

All the best!  *HUGS*

The Referee

I have become a referee.  Certainly their are tons of parents out there that wear the black and white stripes 24/7 too!  How long does this last?  Fighting, fighting, fighting!  OH MY!  My children are not together more than 2 minutes and they start to fight.  What is going on this summer?  I feel like Alice when she fell down the rabbit hole!  My kids have always bickered back and forth, but this is a completely different level of battle, seriously! :(

My strategy is to separate the kids.  One in one room, one in another.  Kaleigh usually wants to be back with Austin within a few minutes but then it starts again almost right away.  It is not the bickering as much as it is the physical attacks the two kids launch on each other.  One hits, the other one bites!  Austin is getting better at calling me if I am not in the room to say that Kaleigh is bothering him (she is always on top of the poor guy, she cannot sit alone, she is always right beside him, he has a lot of patience, relatively speaking).  I used to fight with my siblings too when I was younger and am aware that kids do this but we are trying our best to stop it.  We realize they are always going to bicker but the physical stuff, well, it needs to end.  It is not necessary and we worry about one really hurting the other, even if they do not mean to, it can happen and I do not like to see my babies hurting each other.

For now, separating the kids seems to help and keeping my black and white jersey on at all times!

All the best!  *HUGS*

Light on Listening

Oh my!  So I get that my children are 5 and 8 but I think they have turned off a button somewhere that involves responding when spoken to.  It is stressful and we are trying our best to correct the situation.

We went to a family party yesterday and it was hard to get Austin to listen.  He becomes very stimulated by all the people and does not really like to be around all the socializing.  There was a pool and Austin and Kaleigh brought their suits.  It was cold here for August 4th, only 20 degrees Celsius (68 Fahrenheit), the wind was blowing and it rained on and off as well.  When the sun was out, it was warm.  I was a kid too once and all I would want to do was get in the pool, that was Kaleigh and Austin's primary focus, POOL TIME!  After a while, we did let them go in and swim.  Some others got in to swim as well.  They were all having fun.  It started to rain lightly, then harder so my husband and I decided it was time for the kids to get out of the pool and go inside.  Kaleigh got out pretty quickly but Austin, he would just not listen.  I finally started to count and tell him if he did not get out of the pool, he would not be able to go in again and he needed to listen.  He did eventually get out of the pool.

I know that sometimes people may think our expectations are too high but my husband made a good point when we were discussing the kids' behaviour this morning.  What if something happened that was an emergency or the kids had to get out of the pool right away or move out of the way to avoid something?  It does not seem to register that there could be danger and we need them to do what we want when we ask.  This summer has been really a challenge as far as behaviour goes and struggles abound.

We are determined to keep at it and ride through this "phase".  It is really not easy but then it is not easy for any parent, is it?

All the best! *HUGS*