Directing the Delighted

There is a reason I have not been blogging for the last few months, we have been dealing with a very trying situation at school with Austin.  He has been bullied by another boy for months!  It was so tough to find out that once again, Austin was the target of bullying.  This child kicked Austin, more than once in the private area, so hard that he had pain and could not urinate without discomfort.  We treated his symptoms and he was fine but the thought of it happening was a nightmare!  This is how we found out he was a target of bullying ... again!  What does being "delighted" have to do with this post?  Continue to read on and you will see!

After Austin had been injured, I was upset, as was his Father, that he was being targetted pretty much everyday for months.  A push here, a punch there, a kick, a shove, name calling and knocking to the ground.  My mind raced for nights on end!  I could not sleep!  I was so concerned that Austin was being hurt and did not tell us what was going on; we found out why he did not tell us.  When I questioned him, and it took a lot of questioning before he told me why he did not confide in us, he just looked at me and said, "No witnesses, no proof."  Just like that.  I am not kidding when I say, my head almost blew off!  Where on earth would he hear something like that?  Then, in an instant, I knew.

This boy went after Austin so much that he was finally suspended for a few days.  Austin and all of us felt a sigh of relief that he could go to school and be happy for a while.  The day the boy returned, he got up in the middle of the class and went to the board and punched Austin as he did his work.  Again, the child was suspended, this time for a week.  When was this going to end?

Yesterday, I picked Austin up from school, he told me that he heard the boy had been "expelled".  Austin was content that the boy was no longer going to school and quiet frankly, I was very relieved that I did not have to worry about Austin being hit anymore.  He did not seem outlandishly happy but seemed pleased.

If the child was indeed expelled, I needed to confirm this with the school. (They have been very supportive of Austin during this situation and I am very grateful to them.)  I contacted them and found out that the child was not formally expelled but has moved to another program at another school.  I was also informed that Austin was very happy about this and had no bones about expressing this to the other children in his class.  This did not go over well and Austin was spoken to about it.  He did apologize and I did speak to him about it.  I told him that is not the way to react and it is not a dignified way to behave.  Austin struggles a lot with social issues and all he could think about was how delighted he was not to have to endure being the target of this child.  I can totally relate to how he feels but he has to learn that expressing certain things that way can hurt someone's feelings.  He knows that there is a certain expectation of being understanding, since we do not know the status of this other boy.  I am sure he has his own challenges he is trying to deal with and I know it will not be easy for him or his family.  I do feel for them since we have our own challenges to deal with everyday.  They may not be the same, but they are still challenges.

I am hopeful that the rest of the school year will be easier for Austin now that he does not have to be afraid to go to school everyday.  Honestly, it broke my heart to have my son so fearful, he did not want to go to school.  He LOVES school!  Today, I sit optimistic that the past few months will fade and his excitement to go to school will return!

All the best!  *HUGS*

Vaccine Debate

I do not usually post about things like this, but lately, I just cannot take it!  I can barely go on Facebook with all these people posting about how vaccinations do not cause autism so everyone should vaccinate their children; "Vaccines do not cause autism!" they say.  I do not care to debate this myself but I am so tired of people who do not have a child with autism posting about vaccines and autism, not once but a dozen times!  Really?  I do not think anyone should tell anyone else what they should or should not do with their child.  If someone does not want a child who is not vaccinated around their children, take it up with the parents but do not push your beliefs on someone else.

A short rant but, whew, I feel a bit better!

All the best! *HUGS*

Slumber Surveillance

Have you ever woken up with a shadow in your dark doorway?  Have you ever woken up with a person standing above you, watching and waiting?  Well, I have, numerous times!  Scary?  No kidding!

Austin, has, in the past, stood in my doorway in the middle of the night until I stirred and woke up to see him standing there.  I have woken up with him standing above me, watching me sleep!  It is so frightening!  I have asked him why does he do it?  He said, he needs something and does not want to disturb my sleep.  He thinks I may be upset for him waking me in the middle of the night.  I have told him over and over, if he needs something to just wake me up, do not stand over me and watch me sleep, it freaks me out!  He does not see it the same way, he thinks he is being patient and that is a good thing, not in this case.

There is good news, or an improvement, I finally got Austin to stop doing this in the last few months.  Now, he pokes at me until I wake.  The other day, I feel asleep on the couch watching a show, in the middle of the night, I felt myself being pushed, I was dreaming, I thought it was just the dream.  Nope, a few minutes later I was jolted awake.  I saw Austin standing before me, "Mom, are you awake?"  "I am now."  I asked if he had been poking or pushing me, he responded, "Yes, at least five times!!!"  Right, well, I did tell him to wake me up instead of scaring me, so I should be grateful for that!

Why does he wake me up?  It could be anything; a cold, he is thirsty, can't sleep and he is a very early riser!  Whatever the case may be, I am thanking you in this post, Austin, for waking me up, no matter what time and why.  I prefer to be woken than be watched as I sleep.  I have Edgar Allan Poe to thank  for that!

*HUGS*  All the best!

No Unicorns or Rainbows!

I follow a blog which I believe more people should read, especially parents with high functioning children on the autism spectrum.  The blog I am referring to is "Facing Autism in New Brunswick".  I have recommended this blog in the past and I continue to ask people to read it.  This man writes about his son and his experiences with autism.  They are much different than mine.  His recent posts about Jerry Seinfeld are a must read.  If you have the time, please go and have a look at this blog.

I should warn you, sometimes the comments about parents with high functioning children on the autism spectrum are a bit harsh.  I do not take it personally.  I write about my son's journey because it is what I know; what I experience.  I document it to show my son his achievements and challenges; his journey.  My son is on one end of the spectrum and this man's son, on the other.  The challenges he faces on a daily basis are beyond anything we could ever imagine.  I respect Mr. Doherty very much. He fights so hard for his son!  He does not mince words and he is very honest about how he feels regarding the severity of his son's autism.  Do not look for unicorns or rainbows, only the truth!  He says what he thinks and good for him!  I wish him and his family all the best!

*HUGS* All the best!

Santa is REAL!

Austin, who is 9, and in Grade 4, still believes in Santa.  My husband and I discussed it, and as much as we did not want to demolish the magic of Santa, we were concerned that Austin would get bullied if he started talking about Santa with his classmates.  We contacted Austin's Psychologist and she thought it would be best to tell him ourselves than his peers and have a really terrible experience.  It is disheartening enough, who needs teasing and laughing added to the mix.  I also approached some other parents that have children on the spectrum and got some advice about how they told their children.  It was very helpful and very close to what Austin's therapist suggested.

We told Austin we needed to speak to him about something (Kaleigh was asleep at the time), we asked him about Santa and what he thought and if the other kids in his class talked about Santa at all. He replied that they did not.  I went on and explained about St. Nicholas and tried that route.  Telling Austin that we all carry on his spirit of giving at Christmas and that Santa is well, you know, not real. We explained that he was now part of a secret club and must not say anything to Kaleigh or any other children since they are too young to be part of the secret club of St. Nick yet.  I told Austin he could even help me on Christmas Eve, like an elf!  He seemed to be very excited about all of this, but I was not sure why he was taking this news so well.  After talking to him, I asked if he was upset or disappointed and he said he was a bit upset, I apologized and he said he was fine.  I asked him at the end of the conversation, "So what do you know about Santa?"  He replied "That the REAL one lives in the North Pole!"  Oh my!  After all that explaining, he would have none of it.  He still believes in Santa.  I decided not to take it any further.  Let him sit with the information and see what he figures out or starts to question.

This was not an easy decision to make, I did not want to have to tell Austin about Santa but I figured by this time, he would already know since most children his age do.  I am not about to push the subject and he said he would not discuss Santa at school with his classmates or other children.  I feel, I tried my best and right now, it is better not to push the issue.

All the best! *HUGS*

The Bread Bag

Austin was recently re-assessed by his Psychologist, Speech Pathologist and Occupational Therapist.  I have met with all of them.  They discussed Austin's progress and his challenges.  I will continue to document them here so we can keep tract of both.

The other day I met with Austin's OT, she explained that he still struggles with his fine motor skills.  She suggested that I encourage him to do more things for himself.  (Alright so he is still my baby and yes, I say all the time that I am too protective and cater a lot to my children.  I was reminded of how that can be counterproductive for Austin, thank you, I got it!)  Butter his own toast, fold his own laundry, learn to tie his shoes (I have tried numerous times, he just starts to cry; we use a special snap instead, but I really want him to learn to do it), on and on I could go, the list is long.

Yesterday, Austin wanted raisin toast.  I told him he could make it himself and I would watch or help.  He did pretty well overall but it took me 15 minutes to show him how to open the bread bag instead of ripping it apart.  He does not look either, he looks away as he pulls until the little tag breaks or rips the bag.  He still struggles to open the bag and to close it (that took another 5 minutes), I gave up because he was just too frustrated.  It is difficult to see him struggle with something you or I would take for granted.  It is something that when dealing with autism seems very small in the overall spectrum, but in Austin's world, it is a very big thing.

One of the challenging things is Kaleigh can get up, make herself a PB & J sandwich, put everything away and you would never know she was in the kitchen.  Austin sees this and questions why she can do it and he can't?  He could do it if he wanted, but he just gets discouraged at this point and calls for help.  I explained to him, that we will help him get there and he will, it just takes a little time and patience. We are working hard to make sure that he will be able to do all the things he wants for himself.

All the best! *HUGS*

Stranger Danger!

I have told Austin and Kaleigh over and over, "Never open the door to a stranger!"  A couple of weeks ago, we were expecting the repair man for the washer, his second visit ... don't get me started.  I was in my bedroom when I heard the door open and my children call out "The repair man is here!"  I come bolting out of my bedroom to see a man, I have never seen before, standing in my kitchen, a half hour before he was supposed to arrive, which I pointed out to him very quickly.  His partner (who has been here before) was just entering the house when he heard me say to Austin and Kaleigh, "How many times have I told you not to open the door to a stranger?"  I was pointing my finger at Kaleigh figuring it was her that had let the man in the door, wrong ... it was Austin!  He even admitted it!  Shocked because he is such a stickler for rules, I was so surprised he would do this, I swear, he can be so predictable about certain things and when you think he wouldn't do something, he does it!

Austin told me that he unlocked the door because it was the repairman and we knew he was coming. I told him, never, ever, ever open or unlock the door again without me.  I explained to him that strangers can dress up like repairmen to gain access to the house and they can be dangerous people!  Austin understood why I was upset and so did the repairmen.

All the times I have explained about stranger danger to my children and the one who I still have to worry about is Austin.  I pray that this experience and my reaction (his Wii was taken from him for a few days as a consequence, which is a huge deal to Austin, not to mention the lengthy lecture from me!) will keep him from ever opening the door to a strange person ever again!

All the best!  *HUGS*