Friday, April 12, 2013

Intensifying Imagination

The promised post!

I did a post sometime ago about Austin telling little tales mostly about the invisible man, when he first did this, we found out that is was a good sign of development.  Well, he has gone from a 2 to 10!  His desire to conceal the fact that he cut his hair was extreme for him, very out of character, but a good sign.  When he tried to conceal something else, I decided to confront the situation, not letting him know I knew about his haircut.  (What he was trying to hide is trivial but could be sensitive to him so I will not disclose the facts, just to say, it was not a big deal.)  Austin and I had a chat so we could resolve the situation.

I questioned Austin on why he wouldn't tell me about such a small thing that really was not an issue at all.  He said because he thought he would get "in trouble" and be sent to his room for a time-out.  He also was afraid of losing his Wii or DS.  I asked him, would he ever be in trouble for something so insignificant, he said "no" so why wouldn't he tell me?  (He rarely gets a time-out, it is usually if he and Kaleigh are fighting.)  I explained to him that I did not want him lying to me and trust is very important.  Lying can hurt trust.  He trusts me and I trust him, that is important to him.  I told him we had discussed enough at that time and would talk about it after school.

I took the kids to school and after I dropped Kaleigh off, a light bulb went off, I got it!!!  The night before I heard Austin crying in his room so I went to see what was wrong.  He told me he was afraid.  Afraid of what?  Spiders.  (Oh those spiders!)  He believes that there are spiders coming out of the ceiling where a repair was done.  There are not but he is convinced they are creeping around his room.  He went on for a few minutes describing in detail how they come out and go all over the walls.  Really?  I was floored on the amount of small details he described, it was astonishing!  I told him that there are no spiders but this did not settle him so I took him to my room and let him play on my computer for a while.  He was distracted and there was no talk of spiders for the rest of the night; he went to bed without incident.

After I picked up Austin from school, I asked him if he was afraid to be in his room for time-out if he got in trouble.  He said "No!  I am not afraid of anything!"  The way he said it was with such pride and bravery.  Then, he squeaked out, without almost missing a beat, "except spiders ..."  He told me he is only afraid of the spiders in his room at night but he is not afraid of anything else!  Not only is his imagination, speech and comprehension developing but now bravery too!  A lot of changes, all wonderful!

Austin is doing much better and we have had no problems with the spiders.  We put up a moon light over his bed that comes on automatically when it gets dark.  Way too bright for those creepy spiders!  Austin is sleeping soundly and is as happy as ever! ;)

All the best!  *HUGS*

Wednesday, April 10, 2013

Promised Post

Sorry everyone for the wait and the post I promised is coming up next.

All the best! *HUGS*

What if it Was Your Kid?

This morning, I spoke to the aide that helped Austin yesterday.  The story she told me was a bit different than Austin's, it was more involved.  After hearing what transpired, I got upset, tears overtake sometimes.  The aide is very understanding and a really great person, I appreciate her very much.  Austin teacher also deserves a huge pat on the back because she is just AWESOME and does such a great job with him!  Thank you ladies!  I am grateful to both of you! :)

Right now, I am beside myself really.  I try to instill good values in my children; compassion for others, celebrate diversity, respect others, be fair and "do onto others as you would have done onto you"!  (I was raised very strict Catholic.  My Momma didn't play!)  I believe that it is important to treat someone how you would want to be treated.  Who wouldn't?

Talking to Austin lastnight, explained that what is happening is not right.  He should not be mistreated that way.  I do not want him to start treating people how other people are treating him.  It is very important to me that he remain sensitive and learn to socialize properly.  I do not want him to dictate and try to get control because someone is trying to do that to him.  I hope that my talk and guidance made an impression and he follows my advice.

I really want to address what makes these children like this?  Is it the parents?  Are they instilling this attitude in their children?  Even after Austin got his own ball, a child that wouldn't let him play and rejected him, went after his ball.  What is that? Seriously?  I grew up with kids who picked on others that were different, or smaller. (Goodness, I was targeted all the time, it is not easy growing up with red hair, freckles and glasses!) As I got older, I questioned why these kids did these things.  I believe, that insecurity, and not enough attention or love could be the reason.  Is it possible someone is bullying them and they are acting out?  How would one of these parents of some of the boys from yesterday, feel if it was their children being treated like Austin?  Even when Austin conformed to what they asked, they still reacted negatively towards him.  It think that is cruel and totally unacceptable behaviour.

I say to all the parents out there, what if it was your child that had autism?  What if he was called names on a daily basis and bullied?  What if he wasn't allowed to play? What if he did play they way the other kids wanted and he still was mistreated? What if you had to watch your child alone because no one wanted to be near him because he was different?  What if he did not want to tell on anyone because he was afraid of repercussions?  How would all of this make you feel?

It is with all my heart that plea, encourage acceptance and celebrate diversity.  We have the information, tools and power to allow for change.  Please, if it was your child, would you want them to be treated like mine?  I certainly would not allow my child to treat yours that way.

To all of the wonderful children who have extended then hands in friendship to Austin, I thank you from the bottom of my heart. :)

All the best! *HUGS*

Tuesday, April 9, 2013

Got Game but No Play

Sorry, I know I promised to do a different post but needed to get this down today.

Austin came home with a tennis ball in his bag so I asked him where he got it.  He told me that it was given to him by one of the aides at school.  Why?  He told me that he had been trying to play with some other boys over and over and was told that he could not play with them.  The aide felt for him and gave him a ball of his own. This still really hurts my heart, every time I hear that he is rejected repeatedly, it just breaks me.

On the other hand, I get it, I really do.  I understand how children can be, especially at this age but that does not really help the sting and frustration I feel.  Austin does not always communicate rejection.  He told me that he did not want me to go and talk to the Principal (like the time the bully kept hitting and hurting Austin, both my husband and I went to see her).  I suppose he does not want the boys to get into trouble or more attention drawn to him.  I would not go that far, I may talk to the aide who saw what was happening and gave Austin the ball.  Some of his friends came and played with him.  I am truly grateful for what she did and will thank her tomorrow, with a hug too of course.

Oddly enough, I was just thinking this morning, since the weather is nicer, I would get Austin a ball to play with at school.  He usually has one once the snow starts to melt.  (There is a chance we could be getting snow later in the week, how I envy you my American friends!)  I guess I should have acted sooner ... should of, could of, would of ...

I wish that Austin was not so ostracised.  It is tough to watch him run off all alone most of the time.  I  know that he has a lot of kids at school who really like him.  His motor skills are not the same as most kids his age so he has to work a little harder at it but given the chance, he can do it.  The little athletes get frustrated and I do not expect them to understand but to see your son pushed aside is not easy.

On a lighter note, my husband got Austin and Kaleigh a mini-4wheeler.  Austin can drive it like nobody's business.  Too bad he can't take that to school! ;)

All the best *HUGS*

Thursday, April 4, 2013

The Secret Stylist

Austin cut his hair the other day at school.  He has no idea we know and we promised his teacher that we would not tell him, he told her he would be in trouble, he would not.  He wanted it concealed and even LIED about it ... yes LIED!!!  This thrilled us all!  Sounds crazy, I know but it really isn't.  It is evidence that he is developing.

Austin never lies.  He tells the truth.  The child cannot keep a secret EVER!  I cannot even buy a doughnut without him telling my husband.  There are small things like Birthday presents or things like that he will keep to himself but he always has to let a little out of the bag to bait you.  For Austin to have kept his novice attempt at styling a secret, well, that is news.

Austin not only lied to me when I asked if anything happened at school, he lied to his Dad as well.  His Dad took him to the barber a couple of days later to have his hair cut and well, fixed (it really wasn't that noticeable, and according to Austin, he told his teacher it was too long and needed to be cut when asked why he did it) but Austin told the barber the truth!  The barber asked if he cut his hair and he said "yes".  His Dad mentioned to Austin after that he thought he heard the barber ask if he cut his hair and Austin replying "yes", Austin denied it!

We decided to let this one go and I even discussed it with Austin's speech therapist. We do not really find it a big deal and she didn't seem too concerned either just happy that Austin is developing.

This morning, I found out that Austin hid something else from me.  I questioned whether letting the haircut go and not confronting him was the correct decision.  I do not want him to keep things from me and trust is a very important.  I did question him about the situation this morning and it took me a while but I figured out the motivation behind his behaviour.  That, is another post.  Stay tuned!

All the best!   *HUGS*