Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Mulligans 4 Mommies

I have wanted to do this post for a while.  I was at a meeting with Ms. Maven not too long ago when someone said "Parenting is a hard job, parenting a special needs child is even harder."  (Something close to that anyway.)  Now, we all have our days and some I am sure we wish we could "do over" (like my "time-out" day), so I say, take a mulligan, we all have at least one day I am sure we would like another whack at.  (My Dad is a golfer.  Can you tell? lol)

Motherhood, WOW!  What a wonderful thing!  Tough at times but look at the rewards.  I know a very lovely lady who believes that our special children are sent to us for a reason.  I believe her.  I really do.  I think that we have very good instincts and a lot of patience we did not know we had, we are special in our own right.  I also believe that if Austin, or a child like him, would have been born to someone like my mother, he would have been in terrible trouble.  Sad, but true.

I mentioned my mother in a post not long ago and think I should explain a little bit about her.  I am not going to really dwell on my childhood because, well, I let go of that a long time ago.  No, this is more recent.  You see, she has not seen Austin since he was 18 months old ... she has never seen my daughter who turns 3 very soon.  It has been almost four years since she turned her back and walked away.  Why?  Well, let me tell you ...

One of my siblings was going through a very difficult time and my step-father stepped into "comfort" her (not my word, my mother's).  My sibling accused him of harassing, stalking and scaring her out of her wits.  I believed her and told her to go to my mother and tell her (my other sibling advised her against it) ... I also told her to tell my father, she did.  (He's a good man and tried to help her.)  Anyway, my step-father denied and my mother believed him.  I stood up for my sister, and well, that's why my mother walked away from me.  That is not the part that really hurt me, it was the fact she walked away from my child ... she has also stayed away from a child she has never even seen but knows exists.  Truly heartbreaking ...

My sister and her children have been cut out of my mother's life as well.  My grandmother (my mother's mother) sent back pictures of my children at Christmas time.  (I have not sent any since and will never send any again.)  My mother's love comes with conditions, don't challenge me and well, I will love you.  (The woman has terrible mental issues.  I am convinced of that.)  My other siblings never went against her or my step-father.  They stayed neutral or didn't want to be involved.  No, just me.  I stood up for my sister and I would do it all over again.  You see, when she cried out to me for help, I believed her.  I think she was a very easy target at that time, and well, not such a nice person went after her like a wolf would a helpless lamb.  I do not blame my other siblings for not getting involved, that is their decision and well, I respect people's choices.  (My mother keeps close contact with their children though by visits, Skype, etc.  I am sure that helps with the facade that she is a good mother/grandmother.)  It is really too bad though, because well, I am a firm believer in "United we stand, divided we fall.".  If all of us had stood behind my sister, what chance would have my step-father had really?  Would my mother have turned on all of us?  Who knows?

So, I guess this is my roundabout way of saying, when you have a bad day and wish you could do it over, just think, everything is relative.  Look at what we deal with on a daily basis and we are there for our children no matter what.  See the courage all of you wonderful parents have and unconditional love for your special children, you are there for them.  It means so much!  They are lucky children and we are lucky parents to have them.  So maybe once and a while you have a bad day, what parent doesn't?  Remember, you are by your child's side fighting for them, loving them, never abandoning them like my mother did to her own children.  I can assure you, none of you would ever have to worry about being anything like her.  How do I know?  You wouldn't be here, reading this ... guaranteed.

One final thought, if my mother was your mother and she showed up at your door one day, would you grant her a mulligan?

Peace, HUGS & Love 

This post dedicated to you Tink!  


Judy said...

God allows the bad to happen so that we can learn and grow from it. A woman who I considered a second mother walked away from our family because of politics. I know it's not the same, but the pain is still there and I often wonder how I would react if she changed and wanted to be part of our lives's hard to let go of that pain, but I think in the end, that forgiveness and healing would be priceless!

Mommie That Gets It said...

Hi Judy, thanks for sharing your thoughts with me. I have learned a lot from my mother walking away. It had made me stronger and a much more determined mother to ensure my bond with my children is strong. I could never, ever, ever walk away from my children. You might as well kill me first! They are my life!

Sending you lots and lots of *HUGS* because I feel your pain. I read your story and I am so sorry you have had to endure such a terrible experience. You are a very wonderful person with a very big heart. It sounds like your children have the same hearts! :) All the best! *HUGS* :) Heather

Jaxmom said...

Mommie, families are very complicated things. Love and hurt and resentments all mixed up together. I have a sister I haven't spoken to in over 13 years. Many people say, "But she's your sister!" A blood relation doesn't mean you have to accept abuse. Good for you for having the courage to stand beside your sister. Shame on your mother and especially your grandmother for sending back those pictures. Your children are very lucky to have a mommy who will never ever turn her back on them. (((Hugs!))) Debbie K.

Mommie That Gets It said...

Hi Debbie, you are very right, they are complicated. I have a sister too that I have not spoken to in over 17 years. Yes, people have said that to me too. I agree with you 100%! Just because people are related does not mean that you should keep turning the other cheek, time and time again.

Thanks for the support and understanding. I will never, ever walk away from my babies ... because I am so lucky to have them. :) Thanks again Debbie *BIG HUGS* :) Heather