Friday, March 25, 2011

Terrified to Trust

Yesterday I went with Austin and his class to a museum on a field trip.  I brought along an OT because I was unsure of how Austin would react to the surroundings.  It is such a big place and so much going on, I thought he may become over stimulated or overwhelmed.  We have gone in the past and sometimes his reactions were not favourable, just too much stimulation.  He would have to be carried out, crying, sad to say the least.  The good news is, he did GREAT yesterday!  He took part in the work shop.  He answered questions, stayed with the group and played right along with all the others.  Very great day in all.  He did not want to go to the live spider/insect exhibit, he was upset by that, so his OT and I took him to look at the rest of the museum.  He had a great time and we even met up with some friends from our neighbourhood who were also visiting that day.  Really quite a nice time and great to see how much Austin has developed and changed in such a short time.  WELL DONE BUDDY!  Momma is soooooooooo PROUD OF YOU!

So, what's with the title of this post?  Well, while we were at the museum, Austin's little friend's Dad said that he would be willing to take Austin to the museum one weekend with his son.  (I always get a chill down my spine when someone says this to me.  It scares me to death!)  I politely (at least I hope I was sensitive enough in my response) said that we do not let Austin go with other people.  I explained that Austin has PDD-NOS which is on the autism spectrum and well, we just don't know how he is going to react.  He could bolt from someone he doesn't know very easily.  It is not a good idea.  The trust factor is not there, unfortunately.  I feel this is the only way to protect Austin to the best of my ability.  I know it may sound a little crazy but hey, did you read the post about the street yard sale?  I just cannot bring myself to really trust anyone with him (his grandparents babysit him because they know him so well and he listens to them).  Miss Maven has babysat and honestly, she is one of the only people I would leave him with because she knows to expect the unexpected from him and well, she gets him.  We had someone come to our house to babysit (we had to do this on emergency one day when my grandfather passed away) and that was okay.  She is a member of our extended family and she is great with kids.  It went very well.  My issue obviously, is Austin going to someone's house or out with someone else.  Sometimes I really feel like this fear has taken over and I have no trust in anyone.  Sad, I know.

So, when will I feel like Austin should be able to sleepover or go out without me or my husband?  I have no idea.  I am no where near there and I think it is going to take a lot of time even when Austin is ready.  I fill with horrifying thoughts of the possibility that trusting him to someone else could end up in him being harmed.  I treasure him so much and would never forgive myself if any harm came to him.

I do welcome your comments on this subject.  Do you other parents feel this way?  I appreciate all your feedback.

Sending you all *HUGS* & LOVE!  :)


The Maven said...

As I said over coffee this morning, I definitely have trust issues with people watching my kids, too. But they're not quite as pronounced because the boys are a little more predictable than Austin. And, like I also told you today, I don't blame you in the slightest for feeling that way. It will take time. Your gut will know when its' time to try new things with him and with new people. You'll just know :)

Mommie That Gets It said...

Thanks Mav! :) I know you get me! :) OX

kristi said...

You do have to take time and with TC he does fine for the most part. I went on a field trip with him yesterday and he did great!!

Mommie That Gets It said...

Hi kristi,

Thank you! :)

YAY TC! Well done! :)

*HUGS* :) Heather

Judy said...

I think you are completely justified in worrying about leaving your son with someone. My older brother is autistic and my younger brother has pdd. Many adults just don't understand and because of that you have to be extra careful.

In time, I think you will find other adults you can trust and know that Austin will do well with them. I don't know that I will ever let my kids sleep over at someone else's house.

Jaxmom said...

Mommie, your son (is he still 5 like it says in your profile?) is still pretty young to be away from you anyway. Don't feel guilty about that! It's only in the past couple of years that I've been comfortable letting others take my Jack (he's 10 1/2 now). For a long time I would go along with another mom and the kids (still do). Even though he recently went on his first overnight field trip (check my blog! more of a challenge for me than him, apparently), we still haven't let Jack sleepover at a friend's house. He doesn't really want to be away from us anyway. He always says he would go for a sleepover at his friend's house, but I have to come too!

Trust your instincts when it comes to your son. As he grows and develops more social skills, you'll know when the time is right to trust. You know him better than anyone. (((hugs))) Debbie K.

Mommie That Gets It said...

Hi Judy,

Thank you so much! I am glad that you see where I am coming from. It makes it so hard.

Thanks again!

Have a lovely day! :) Heather (HUG)

Mommie That Gets It said...

Hi Jaxmom,

Yes, he turns 6 in July (thanks, I have to update, my daughter just turned 3 ... lol)! I will go and read that story next. :)

Thanks for you support and understanding Debbie! *HUGS*! :) Heather

Victoria said...

I'm way behind the times on this but I wanted to say I'm the same way. My mom is the only one who keeps Little Froggy. She's fine being left with my dad if need be, and I think she'd be ok with my brother if I really wanted to do that to him. Other than that she only goes to school without me. She's not a runner and she's clingy to people she knows but she doesn't express herself and I'm afraid of leaving her with people who simply don't believe there's anything different about her. You have to stay three steps ahead of her and I really don't think my in-laws could handle that.

Mommie that Gets It said...

Hi Victoria,

I totally get you. People underestimate these children. It is scary! I just cannot trust people because I feel like that would be putting Austin at risk. Someone like his OT or his aide at school works with ASD kids and knows the dangers, like with Austin, walking out in front of a car, which is still, unfortunately, a huge possibility. He still gets disoriented with a lot of action around him. He is better about staying on the sidewalk though, holding my hand near roads and in parking lots mind you.

It is really difficult and I experienced that myself with people close to me. They didn't see the differences until they were in a situation where he melted down, then they changed their tune!

I think it is great you have your Mom you can leave Little Froggy with and Dad too. I only really have my in-laws because well, my Mother (if you read my "Mulligans for Mommies" post, you know about that sad situation) is not around, my Dad is too busy and well, so is my step-Mum so, I do not go out without my kiddies unless I really have to. Nothing more entertaining than taking a 2 and 5 year old to your yearly physical! LOL!

Wishing you all the best!

*HUGS* :) Heather

Victoria said...

I did read it and it really does break my heart for you. They remind me of my husband's family, though nothing quite like that has happened on that side. His mom is crazy. She's the real problem and I wouldn't trust her with a jar of peanut butter, let alone my kid. His oldest sister's husband gives me the creeps so I don't have them watch Froggy either. Then his dad works long hours and his baby sisters just don't understand how firm you have to be with this kid. And since my mom has been there since day one she's the logical choice. I couldn't do it without her.

Mommie that Gets It said...

Hi Victoria,

Thank you, that is sweet of you.

Wow! Sounds like your husband has quite the colourful family!

I am very glad you have your Mom. It's great to know we have someone to help us and rely on. Mine just happens to be my in-laws. :)

All the best!

*HUGS* :) Heather