Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Tender Tears

After Austin woke up from his nap yesterday, he wanted to talk to me about what happened and why he was so upset.  This has not occurred before.

Austin started out by saying "Mommie, when I screamed for you, you came!".  "Of course, I came.", I replied.  He continued to go on about how upset he was that Kaleigh changed the station he was watching.  I took him back to my room to talk to him in private.  (Kaleigh is only 3 after all and I don't think that she needs to hear Austin discussing how upset he is with her.  She is a very sensitive child, no kidding, really sensitive.)  Austin sat on my bed and I told him to call me or just come get me if Kaleigh does something to upset him.  I explained that he does not need to get so upset, when I can intervene and fix things easily.  He seemed to understand what I was saying.  I asked if he was okay, and he said he was, he was not.  How can I tell?  Well, when Austin is still sad or upset he tries to say "yes" but his little mouth forms the saddest little frown you have ever seen.  Seriously, it could make grown men cry.  He tries to smile and put on a brave face but he is so upset, the corners of his mouth turn down.  He looks so innocent and sweet, not to mention disheartened.  Poor little guy. :(

I continued to talk to Austin, meanwhile, tears started to well up in my eyes.  I cannot help it.  (I wish I could put into words how much I cherish this little boy.  He owns my heart, he and Kaleigh.)  The more I spoke, the more I teared up.   I was only trying to reassure Austin that I am here for him, no matter what!  As tears started to roll down my face, Austin started to tear up ... he threw his arms around me and HUGGED ME!!!  OMG! OMG! OMG!  I just burst into tears!  (I am teary now!)  My little guy, who usually is so passive to sad emotions, or who will even who giggle nervously when someone cries, felt my pain!   Felt empathy!  Felt sad for me!  His emotions are developing!  It is so WONDERFUL!  Don't get me wrong, I am not elated because he is sad and crying, but because HE FEELS!!!  I cried on and off for hours lastnight ... it is such a breakthrough for Austin.

I feel privileged to have been the one on the other end of that hug and to share tender tears with my sweet, sweet boy!



Tonya said...

Those are the moments that parents of neuro-typs may never see or feel...or maybe will to the extent of thier "norm". Those moments knock me to my knees & make me send up a million tiny thank yous to God, Angels & every power near & far that gave me a tiny, beautiful glimpse into the beautiful glow that shines from my son's soul. My eyes are watering for you.

Jaxmom said...

One of the things about PDD is that they don't like sudden transitions. It gets them upset when things happen that are unexpected or out of the routine. One time Jack had a little friend over and they were playing with the Wii. I told him it was time to turn it off (meaning save what you're doing and shut it down). His little friend immediately jumped up and turned off the Wii. Omg! End.Of.The.World! He was so upset that he wasn't allowed the opportunity to save his progress in the game, he cried for a good 20 minutes. He was so angry with her!

His teacher is aware of this and always gives him a warning when a transition is coming in the classroom. We had lots of meltdowns at home before we figured this out, however. As you know, the meltdowns can be extremely intense and even frightening. Jack has been so upset that he'll say, "Just kill me! I deserve to die!" Words that cut to a mother's heart! Once he calms down and regains his composure, he's always contrite and apologetic, but it's like something snaps in his brain and he just loses all control. Frightening!

Mommie That Gets It said...

Hi Tonya,

Thank you so much. I feel so lucky to be able to experience these things with my son, I am blessed. My heart goes out to parents who never get to share these special moments with their children. It is truly heart breaking.

Thank you so much for commenting and sharing. *HUG*

Mommie That Gets It said...

Hi Jaxmom,

WOW! Thanks for this comment.

When Austin does not listen to my (sometimes he likes to ignore when he is playing Wii or watching TV) warnings and countdowns, I turn whatever it is, off. He usually just yells "HEY!" at me. These meltdowns are so few and far between and usually come with other different behaviours, like acting out and sleeping more.

OH MY! Poor you and Jack! I can only imagine was that must do to you and be so difficult for Jack. You are right about frightening. It is the first time I told my husband I was going to call him because I was so concerned about Austin. The last time he was even close to this upset was at the park last year (I blogged about it "The Meltdown = Parents' Heartbreak" and you are right, that meltdown was triggered by his friend pushing him down the slide when he wasn't ready to go down yet). He has had very few serious meltdowns. It is really, really scary to me.

Wishing you and Jack all the best. Thanks again for sharing, understanding and supporting! *HUGS* :) Heather

Judy said...

You have every right to be elated about this. Most parents will never know how much it hurts to never hear their child cry, or show empathy.

When my older brother (who is autistic) lied for the first time, my parents mentioned it to the pediatrician and he said to them "count your blessings." He then explained that this is a good sign, a sign of normal development and that they should be grateful he can lie. I remind myself of this every time my son tells me a lie, and then I am quick to explain why we don't lie.

Mommie That Gets It said...

Hi Judy,

Thanks! I know, my heart breaks for them. I am truly blessed.

I feel the exact way! I am so grateful! His speech has really been developing at a rapid rate in the last little while and his emotions too! I explain to Austin about lying too ... hard to contain my happiness about it right now, I hide it well though ... from him! ;)

Thanks for sharing with me Judy! I always enjoy reading your stories. :) *HUG* :) Heather