The other day I was telling this story to my friend. I think it is really appropriate for Autism Awareness Month.
Not so long ago, I was visiting someone very close to me and dear to my heart. It was an afternoon visit (I do not do these often because they are harder on Austin). We were delayed in leaving; never a good thing. I try to stick to an hour or an hour and a half tops for a visit, especially with both children and when I am alone. It goes much better if I stick to this plan. So we were late leaving and well, things got a little hairy! This is to be expected since Austin gets stimulated and tired. Add Kaleigh to the mix and you get a three ring circus! (Or maybe a two ring one in this case.) I kid you not!
I went out and loaded my SUV with the kids' things and came back into the house to get them dressed. I cannot even tell you how long this took, a long time ... more than 15 minutes, that's long for them. Anyway, I eventually got them in the truck after a lot of counting and repeating. I walked back up the driveway to say "goodbye" to this person I hold very dear to me. Once I got there, they said to me "I would not want your life!" I was so shocked! I felt like someone punched my heart right out of my chest and it landed somewhere on the ground behind me. It really, really hurt my feelings, and I said "How can you say that to me?". "I LOVE my family!" They responded with "I know, I just couldn't handle that kind of pressure, it's a lot.". I guess I do not see my life the way other people do. I just go day by day like anyone else. Now I know this person did not mean to hurt me, I get that. It is not their fault.
Before I left, I explained that this behaviour is expected by Austin because he is on the spectrum and this person is aware of this fact. It doesn't matter though, sometimes it just doesn't seem to compute. It does not stop me from trying to raise awareness and explain to people that Austin is reacting a certain way because he is on the spectrum. People will "get it", or they won't. I will not give up trying to get people to understand. Knowledge is power people!
Peace and *HUGS* to all! :)
P.S. Thanks to Leslie for inspiring me to write this post. :)
8 comments:
WOW! I wish I could say I'm surprised, but sometimes it's the ones that are closest to us that say the most hurtful things without realizing. As challenging as our lives can be, I would never want to trade places with anyone else. I think I'd be bored ;)
Hi Lisa,
It is too bad, isn't it? The ones we think would understand, don't, and hurt us deeply. Truly sad.
I agree with you completely ... I wouldn't change a thing!
Welcome and *HUG* for you! I really like your blog!
:)
Heather
And they say our kids are missing a filter.
What was their point in saying that? Could the initial response not have been "if you ever need a break I'm here."
And these are the people who "get it".
Hi Jacquie,
You are so right! I think they were just frustrated at the situation. It is my opinion that they would not be able to do it on a day to day basis. Basically, I think they were saying "I wouldn't want a kid with autism."
Oh, I doubt they would ever offer support. No, I guess this person doesn't "get it". As you know, you can try as much as you like and some people just won't. I treasure Austin, he is my gift, and I think people who don't see that, are the ones on the losing end. I think you would agree with me.
Thanks! *HUGS* :) Heather
This post struck me, because I have had so many people make comments. Hurts even more, now that I've lost my daughter. They truly don't get it, because they would have to LOVE a child like mine to feel this, and I get that, because I remember the stupid things I used to think ... when I didn't know any better. But it hurts every time. One sister told me that for sure she was done having children because of "what happened [to me]." I won't waste the breath in explaining, but I wanted to tell her, "Are you kidding? She's the one who makes me want to do it again and again, and never again say, so long as the baby is healthy!" Good grief, we GOT the one people should be praying to have.
Dear Connie,
I am so very sorry for your loss. My heart goes out to you. I cannot put into words how much I feel for you. I am so, so sorry. *HUGS*
I am sorry that even your sister is inconsiderate of your feelings and what you have been through. That is terrible!
I had children later in life and refused to be tested for genetic disorders while pregnant. I was thrilled to be having a baby and so thrilled I have two beautiful and wonderful children. I consider myself to be extremely lucky.
Once again, I am so sorry for your loss. *HUGS* Heather
Heather, I totally get where you're coming from! I was 45 when Jack was born. He is my precious gift of a boy, and I would never change a single thing about him!
That was a terribly insensitive thing your friend said to you. She might have been tired and frustrated herself, but I don't think she realized what a knife she was putting into your heart. People just don't think! It's especially hurtful when things are said by people who are supposed to have your back. Hang in there. Some days are hard, but I know you wouldn't trade your two for anything!
Debbie
Hi Debbie,
Couldn't agree with you more. I just adore my sweet boy! :)
This person is closer than a friend. I don't want to say too much because I prefer that they remain anonymous.
It is true. You think that people closest to you would show empathy and understanding, not be critical of something that is totally beyond anyone's control.
Very true. We just spend 33 hours in a power outage here and it was very hard on Austin. We managed okay and he was so happy there was power this morning to play Super Mario Brothers! :) He asked me to play, and I did. :)
You are right, I would not trade my children, not for anything ... ever! I consider myself ... very blessed! :)
Thanks again! *HUGS*
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